OutCasts
by Ramica
Summary: A story centering around the turtles thoughts, and how they each view themselves as Outcasts even when around their own family. Last chapter Don. Complete!
1. Heaven and Hell

Outcasts

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Rating PG-13 for occasional swearing.

**Chapter One: Heaven and Hell.**

There are times, far too many times actually, when I find myself running from my family

Trying to escape from them and all the rules, that structures our lives and existence on the fringes of New York City.

We live on the fringes of the big city, seeing, but not being seen, noticing without being noticed just like so many others. Only thing is we are a little different. We are not normal, we are freaks, rejects we are unwanted outcasts.

Yeah, I know all cities have their outcast, the people they don't want to mention or even admit exists. The group of people who live homeless either from choice or circumstance, the run aways, the addicts, or those just plain down on their luck.

Have you ever noticed the average hard working citizen sees someone like that they avert their eyes, or give the person a brush off. They don't want to have any contact with an outcast. Hell no, it just might be contagious.

So the average citizen pretends the social outcast is for the most part, no more than a city rat, they know the rat is there and survives on the garbage and filth. They know the rat exist but they refuse to see it as it scampers from shadow to shadow or rustles about in the dumpsters.

Those ones at least were to our advantage, they didn't want to notice and we were willing to go unnoticed by, and large it was to our favour.

Course there was some portion of humanity who actually did care. I knew about them, just as I knew about every sort of human that lived in this city. Those ones seemed to notice those in need and went out of the way to provide food, clothing and what ever else they could to ease life.

Those ones were harder for us to avoid, the bleedin' hearts needing to do a good deed were far more of a threat to us.

Freaks I knew didn't belong; anything strange or other couldn't be accepted all I had to do was look at how they treated the outcast to know deep in my heart the truth of what they would do to us.

They would want to beat us down, keep us in the slime and the sludge that was part of our home, they would expect us to stay where we belonged. Beneath them for outcasts do can never be above them in any way.

I often watched people and found their actions to be rather disappointing and infuriating. I expect more from them and was frustrated at the way they acted. Slapping labels on any thing and every thing and yet, still hiding behind their fears and insecurities wanting to prove themselves better, even if it meant demeaning someone else.

Maybe because I was always down I the sewers smelling the stench, that I and my family grew up around keeping forever to the shadows an the darkness that I longed to rise myself up above it all.

I couldn't sit under the streets, in a labyrinth of concrete tunnels and look up at the night sky and feel it was attainable by the likes of me.

It would almost seem as if the walls would close in around me, and even on the streets in my disguise, I would look up at the towering buildings around me and feel that I was damned for all life.

It's so hard to see heaven from hell!

Only when I climbed up and purposely went high above, the streets and the noise and surrounding buildings would I suddenly feel that maybe, just maybe, I might be worthy of a piece of heaven myself.

I would stand on the rooftop looking up at the night sky welcoming whatever was up there, be it starlight, moonlight or a nice cool breeze. The air smelt better and when it rained I would open my mouth and allow the fresh water to fall inside, and I could never get enough of that.

Going back down again was never easy; it was giving up heaven to return to hell. It was like admitting I belonged down there, that I didn't deserve to belong, that I was willing to return to being a nobody who would rather allow himself to be walked on and over, to standing up for myself.

It irked me to know that I would give my freedom up to return to the shadows, the half existence that lay below the streets.

It bothered me even more to know when I got there my brother would be waiting with a long winded lecture or nagging session about my attitude and behaviour. You think after all these years he would be used to me by now.

Sometimes sitting and looking at my three brothers all I could see was a reflection of my own loneliness and how, no matter what we were the only ones of our kind. We had never run into any one or any thing even remotely like ourselves.

It was pretty easy to see where our future, our lives were going. Nowhere. Fast or slow did it really matter? Not likely because no matter how fast you go, you'll still end up being in the same place when all is said and done.

We had only each other and our father was fading fast. All of us were on a trip to a dead end street.

Being in my home surrounded by the rules, the constant reminder of who and what we were, I could only feel like I was trapped and felt even more of an outcast.

Sure it isn't always like that. There are times that my brothers and I get along and I can relax and enjoy being there. After all while they are reflections of my loneliness they are also the only people in my life who can fully accept me.

With them I can feel like I actually belong, that I am at the very least a part of something. I don't feel this anywhere else or with anyone else. Not even with our human friends April and Casey.

Casey is a good friend and while we relate in many ways, he can never fully understand the pain, or hurt of being an outcast someone who is set apart from the rest of society. No the only thing that he can accept is that I am willing to go out and bust heads with him now and again and we can blow off steam together.

We are friends.

Just as April and I are friends though, it is a friendship of a different level. She in not the rough or rowdy person Casey is but she is kind, gentle. She gives me hope that maybe, one day it is possible for others to accept us.

She is the angel of our world, a bright shining light of hope. While Casey is simply Casey.

At times when I feel desperate I take my disguise and head up lingering in the crowds on the street walking until my feet grow soar and then I head into a dark smoky bar where I can sit in a back corner out of the way.

There I sit and watch. I also dream about being accepted I never go into a bar for the explicit reason of drinking, though I will have a few. I would rather sit and observe others and for just a little while feel that I am just another citizen. An accepted member of society mingling with others however I know it isn't true.

I'm not even kidding myself when I do that; for I know in reality I'm still on the outside looking in. I couldn't fit in or announce my presence for that would cause problems. In spite of what my brother thinks about my behaviour I would not purposely do anything to cause the rest of the family harm.

So a wall is between those that I long to be a part of and myself, I don't know how to break that wall or get past it. Don't know how to be accepted by others, and am in many ways afraid to reach out and try.

It is frustrating to sit there and long to be a part of society, sitting there watching life pass you by, yet forever sitting out knowing the awful truth. The more I sit and pretend the more it bothers me, the more lonely and alone I feel. However I can't stay away from it either.

It is like the moth being drawn forever towards the light, an instinctive thing it goes to the brightest thing it can see, the one bit of hope, and it bashes itself to death once it reaches the light.

I like to torment myself for I can't stay away from bars, I go there wanting to feel accepted yet the longer I am there the more I feel an outcast that I don't even belong.

I can't be accepted I will always be the figment of your imagination, nothing more then a nightmare to haunt the dreams of sleepers.

Even when patrolling the streets and stopping the crimes that happen I can't help but feel that our purpose is nothing more than hypocritical at best for we are protecting the lives of those who would, hurt or exploit us if they knew we existed.

The people we help might refer to us as angels, when they haven't seen our looks but if they were to see what truly spared their lives they would think some demon had escaped the underworld.

Hell at that point they would probably be begging' their attacker to save them from the beast that has come to life to terrorize them.

No wonder heaven is so far away; it is beyond reach and is so hard to even see for a fleeting moment.

There are times I feel my only true friends, the only ones I can really rely on are my weapons and the skills my father taught me to keep me safe. I have confidence in my abilities and the training that was instilled into me as a youngster.

I often questioned Splinter about why we had to learn these things and he would reply.

" The outside world is dangerous. I teach you and your brothers so that you might be able to protect yourself, and one another if ever you need to."

I always sensed there was more to it then that, that there were things he wasn't telling us. I wondered why he wouldn't let us know. I also how he could call the world above a bad place of danger when it provided us with many good things, like toys, warm blankets and food.

Somehow the outside world still called to me, even more then my brothers. My brothers were content and happy to obey the rules but I had to push the limit I had to search and look for a way to breach that wall.

I didn't want to spend the rest of my life looking in, or having others looking down at me. I didn't want to rein in hell, not if there was a way I could serve in heaven.

I didn't want to be an outcast ignored and neglected, I wanted the freedom of the world topside to be accepted.

I knew it would probably never happen the vicious circle of longing and hating and feeling so alone might never end. That perhaps, I ought to accept what was, as my brothers seemed to.

Yet one could not reach heaven by accepting things as they are only by aspiring to greatness can one raise them selves. So I keep looking for ways to do that in a world where I am no more then a demon.

An outcast of society living on the fringes.

TBC


	2. Ninja Conflict

Outcasts

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

**Chapter Two: Ninja Conflict.**

I am ninja and have been trained in the art from an early age. It is a part of who I must be, not because it is the only life I know but rather because we need these skills, my brothers and I, if we are to survive in this world. Living as we do as outcasts on the edge of society. A part of it, yet always separate from it.

I accept our situation in life. Raging at it and longing for something better is acceptable at times but I have learned that it is a wasted effort for in the end it doesn't change our circumstances.

Our Master was fully aware that we would need these skills to get us through and taught us these lessons during the day, while at night and early morning he would go scavenging for whatever, he could find in the way of food, blankets, or other simple necessities.

The fact that during our training we had proven ourselves so that he asked us to restore honour to him was perhaps mere luck alone, for he could never have known how much we could do.

Our training like life itself I noticed was often full of contradictions, we used our training to protect those who might hurt us or do us some type of injury. We were all fully trained to kill and yet to value life so that it was of utmost importance to check our blows so as not to seriously harm a person, unless we had no other choice. Trained to break the law in, many numerous ways, and yet we fought to uphold the law.

One of the earliest lessons I recalled was one of our Master telling us that in all things there was a balance and we should seek the balance in life no matter where our lives went to.

Many people might fear us, or feel that we could grow unbalanced from being taught to kill while at the same time to value life.

Stop to consider this small fact however, in any martial arts training you learn control, you are disciplined to not go out and used these skills to bully but to protect. In fact ninja used to believe that if they ever used their skills for the wrong intentions they would lose them forever.

Many people who have obtained high degrees, or Dans, in martial arts fighting have the capacity to kill a person with their bare hands, but I have never heard of some one of that skills going on a murderous rampage either. No, those who lack discipline, and morals are far more likely to become a threat to society.

In almost any martial art school the pupils end up breaking boards with their hands or feet. They are simple boards of about one inch thickness. But what few realize is one tenth of the power it takes to break one of those boards can break a bone in a person's body.

No we didn't pose a threat to society and yet we needed our training because society posed a threat to us. I was willing to live and let live but I knew I couldn't shrug such things off because of what we were.

So I trained hard, harder then any of my brothers and tried to learn what I could, not because it was forced on me, or demanded of me.

My brother's trained enough so that we were capable of holding our own for long period when odds, seemed against it, but at the same time all of us together could be an extremely deadly force.

I didn't train longer and more often then my brothers because I felt I had to protect them, no they could care for themselves and I was aware of that. There were time; in certain situations they would need me to bail them out of trouble. Raph always seems to be the one most often to go off the deep end and find himself in over his head.

However I can count as many times when my brothers came to my aid when I needed it.

We **are** a team with not one of us any better or worse then another, but each of us playing an essential role.

Sure I spent a lot of time in the dojo perfecting my skills going over the katas, but I found peace and tranquility in the flowing motion of the movements that I had learned over the years.

I was trained for this, some people draw, or write when they need to find peace, me, I turn to my training. By perfecting my skills I know I can better protect my family if they should ever need it.

I do not begrudge the time that Don spends in his lab, for where Don was strong I knew I was weak. How often had my brother's inventions or knowledge of high tech systems and alarms, or computers, been our saving grace?

More times then I can remember. His genius and knowledge had often saved our lives and insured us a far better life in the sewers.

He trained and kept up his fighting ability so he was not a hindrance in battle. For Don knew that his body and mind were indeed his strongest weapons and with his intelligence he was a hard opponent to beat.

So it was easy to let him do his thing, and I never begrudged or insist that he had to work out more then he felt was necessary.

Mike he was creative, forever coming up with wild ideas and he had a tremendous amount of energy, he gave everything he could in everything he did including fighting. I also knew with him and Raph being good friends they often ended up doing a good bit of sparring. Or is that wrestling with one another?

So Raph usually kept Mike sharp though, sometimes that was a problem for they often tended to battle in places other then the dojo breaking our all ready broken furniture. There were times that Raph could lose himself even in a battle with us and that was a hard thing to see. The time he almost brained Mike was a sight I doubt I will ever forget.

I don't think he really lacked the control, so much as the anger sometimes made him act before thinking of consequences.

Raph seemed full of anger and wild rages, some of it might just be due to who we were and some of it due to wanting to be accepted. He wasn't happy with himself.

Yet I knew Raph worked out often only most of his workouts would happen on the streets a lot of the time with Casey.

Casey had proven himself to be a good friend over the years, but when he Raph got together I couldn't help but worry, for the two of them were too similar in nature, and attitude, and when they got together their baiting, and daring games could lead to a situation that could be dangerous for either one of them.

To me it was the classic case of the blind leading the blind.

Both Casey and Raph had this tendency to get in over their heads and make foolish mistakes. One of these days one of their buddy get together could end up with one of them dead. Put Casey and Raph together and you know you were going have trouble somewhere along the line as one would most certainly lead the other astray.

I had a lot of fears and uncertainties about that idea, but could not order Raph to avoid Casey, for I knew my brother well enough to know ordering him wouldn't do much. Casey I knew though had his own brand of honour and integrity I suppose that is why the rest of us were willing to put up with him.

I care for all my family. I don't want to lose any of them. For they are a part of me and without them I would stand alone against my enemies.

There would be no one to help me in battle or to help care for my wounds, no one to get me past things I had little or no knowledge of, for Don's specialty definitely wasn't my forte.

I knew I would be able to manage without my family for a time but the loneliness of being the last, the isolation of the tunnels without Splinter's gentle words, Mike's distractions, even Raph's anger or Don's quiet yet gentle way that reminded me a great deal of our Master, without all that, the lair wouldn't be a home.

Instead it would be a cold empty place full of echoes that rattle eerily from room to room. It would be a place to avoid and not a thing that I could look forward to.

The streets above, the humans who inhabited topside, even the sewers can be a cold and unforgiving place.

These were the sort of things that made up my nightmares. Only my brothers could understand the emptiness that awaited the last survivor of our small team. Our Sensei would be the first to go and while I would hate to lose him and his insight.

I know that it was just another part of life and all the lessons and wisdom he imparted to us would always be a part of us. To lose our Master will hurt and be painful for all of us, and yet in it we must still find the strength to pull together.

Losing him meant we would lose a great deal of ourselves and who we are and without him it might be natural to start to drift in opposite directions, which was all the more reasons for the rest of us to stay close, and help one another as he has taught us to do over the years.

Sometimes though I wondered if I would lose Raph first and the thought of losing him while he was so young seemed too wrong. It chafed and irritated me, in ways that I shouldn't let it.

It was those times I would go after Raph arguing about his need to be more responsible and to control his actions before he got us all killed. In my depth of not wanting to lose Raph I think I often pushed him away.

But I couldn't seem to find the right way to explain to him that I** needed **him!

It would be one thing to lose our Master who was old, at least it would be easier to accept then it would be to accept the death of someone like Raph we were too young.

Yet I was fully aware that young people died all the time, sometimes like Raph they were doing something foolish, and other times their life was taken through no fault of their own other then being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

In our lifestyle death was something we had to accept, and not live in fear of it. I didn't fear death for myself but I did fear being all alone with no one else to understand or accept me.

We were outcasts, the only ones we could fully depend upon was each other. Not all of us may appreciate the fact or even accept the fact of the matter, but we were as much outcasts as we were ninja. We couldn't walk away from being ninja either.

One can not let go of who or what they were, they could not change or walk away from the fact that they have lived and breathed a certain life for a certain period of time. You can't just turn your back on it and say no more. Because it is habit and it is second nature.

It is very hard for an addict to stop cold the addiction they have built over the years. One who has trained in martial arts could not just walk away form a life of katas, exercises and training. We might as well try to leave our shells behind as leave our ninja training behind us.

True we all had different opinions and views but in trying to see the view point of others I open myself to a better understanding of my family and possible choices that we could take if I could only think it through. There are many paths a person may walk in life.

Yet I knew no matter how many paths, or choices that were ahead of us we would always be outcasts.

Humans I knew had far too many fears and prejudice to believe we would ever be accepted, I used to read books in hopes of finding some clue that would provide us some hope for our future.

All I found was that humans were a wary suspicious lot, they had a hard enough time accepting someone of a different race, culture, or religion never mind what they would think or do to the likes of us if they ever knew we existed.

Splinter was right to train us in the way he did. He knew that humans would forever be a threat to us. He was aware that if even one of them were to see us, or know about us that we could end up in what could only be a dangerous position for ourselves.

Then everything we fought for would be gone and over in so little time, we would lose our home, our freedom, and our rights even because of what we were.

I found it so hard to trust humans; to me every human was a potential threat. A danger to our lives and our existence, and with greed being so powerful among them the need to sell us out would be strong even in those who acted like they were our friends.

It took me ages to trust April; I doubted her sincerity and friendship to us for many years. She was a reporter for the news and we could have been the biggest story she ever gave. Can you imagine the trouble she could have cost us if she had done a report on us? After all some reporters would feel that the public had a right to know about radioactive chelonians who were trained to be assassins and carried weapons, living right under their streets. Can you imagine the panic and outrage at such a report?

I often wonder if she was ever at any time tempted to sell us out.

I don't dare ask her though, for if her answer is yes, it will only waken old doubts, and she has helped us far more then even Casey has. She has lost more due to us to.

We are a threat to our friends for we can bring trouble to them, even when we long to keep it away. The Foot clan is always on the lookout to find someone they can use against us.

We have little but our skills to give to our friends and often feel to proud to accept the gifts they bring in the name of friendship or because they know we need it so badly. Honour tells us we should refuse such gifts and yet because they are friends it would be an insult to reject it. Yet another conflict in our lives.

Sometimes I wondered if having friends was worth it. Sometimes I think it would be much better to keep away from humans entirely as it seems we can protect them from harm or lead them into it.

In the end human's knowledge of our existence would always be a threat to us and we would never be safe.

We had to remain forever outcast, forever ninja if we were to survive.

TBC

Lenni: Who knows give Raph enough hugs and he might cheer up.

Raphael lover: Years of reading and watching turtles in almost every aspect you can think of helps a great deal. Seeing things through the character's eyes helps. Then of course there is always a pinch of author creativity, which doesn't hurt either.

Reinbeauchaser: That I believe is a lot of Raph's problem resenting and yet longing all at once. Whether I can maintain that feel through following chapters remains to be seen.

Buslady: Casey is Casey, he is one of the guys and he is great for guy stuff. April is different and I think most the boys realize that fact and therefore won't go lumping the two into one category.


	3. A light in the darkness

Outcasts

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Three: A Light in the darkness.

****The life of the party, The PARTY in and of itself fun loving easy going and care free and quite willing to trust anyone. Raph said I was too trusting, too innocent, too naïve. I don't even think Raph knows what naïve means but I figure it is way better then walking around with an attitude.

Still while those things best described my nature and who I was, I knew at heart there was far more to me then that. I couldn't help but wonder what my life, our life would be like if we could just go walk around topside, be around people without them being afraid of us.

Sure people might be scared of us at first but I really think in the long run that in the end they would see we weren't so different. I mean other then the obvious stuff, we really were more alike then we were opposites.

I once told Splinter about this thought, about just going up and letting people see us and know we are here.

Splinter gave me a sad smile and a shake of his head " It is possible my son, but by the time the humans fears have died down it could be far too late for us my son."

I knew what he meant, I understood it but it bothered me having to hide all the time. It wasn't in my nature for one thing, but I could see our father's point of view.

What people don't know they fear and what they fear they tend to destroy, you can see it hundreds, millions of times in the past so you didn't have to be psychic to know we didn't stand a chance.

I longed to be out in the open, I was a social type; I wanted to be out there meeting people making friends, or just basking in the sun soaking up some great rays. A few minutes with me and I think any human could see that we weren't all that odd. Okay so maybe we are but what of it? It shouldn't make a difference right? At least that is what I tell myself.

No instead I get to sulk around in shadows, hide from the light, keep my distance and be a ninja hiding below the streets, like I was some sort of vampire.

I knew there was good people out there we have a few of them April and Casey being the main ones, but there have been others here or there. I looked hard to see the good in people maybe because I saw too much of the darkness the streets offered.

If I reflected only on the dark, then I'd turn Raph and the lair just isn't big enough for two Raph's in here.

Raph also spends far too much time with Casey searching out the scum to get them off the street and I don't think that helps my bro's views any, though it does help him blow off steam.

I know about the dark side of the streets, I've seen it more times then I care to remember or even think about. All the drug dealers pushing their children into becoming addicts, children not even nine or ten years old living off the streets doing what ever it took to get by, that included things far worse then stealing or, the gang fights that broke out now and again and the numerous senseless crimes that shattered lives.

What was even worse then seeing all that inhumanity to man, was when we put our lives in danger to help someone, who ends up dying anyways because we were too late to stop it. Those were the times we always went home questioning ourselves, and what we were doing.

We might not belong in society and in those times I felt we were the only ones that really gave a damn about the city we lived in!

It doesn't work that way in movies, the good guys always win unless of course you have a sequel coming out and you know the good guys are going trash the bad guys in that.

Real life wasn't like the movies, sometimes the bad guys won and nothing was ever as simple!

I suppose I watch the amount of television and movies that I do because it is my escape, we all have them, Leo does katas, Raph takes off and Donny locks himself up for days at a time.

In movies you know that everything is going work out and no matter what the hero/heroine faces they will prevail. It was great seating down relaxing and not having to worry about what the outcome was going be, with video games you had the knowledge it was just a game. It really didn't matter.

Unfortunately all it was was an escape, a way to avoid the harsh bitter realities of my life as an outcast.

I was meant to be in the sun; I needed the fresh air the freedom to move around. I wasn't meant to hide even if I was born a turtle, yet an outcast especially ones like us can't allow themselves to be seen for it will only cause trouble.

Our existence, if you could call it that was the most pathetic thing one could ever be given.

Sometimes all that goofing around I do is nothing more than a mask, another disguise, and yet I have grown so used to it that perhaps it has become a part of me and who I am now.

Face it we all wear masks, or put on a disguise to fool someone else, perhaps you might do it to impress a friend or associate, or you tell that little lie to the boss about how you would just love to work overtime, or extra time on your day off, even though you detest the very thought.

No one wants to be seen as weak or vulnerable unless they feel it can be used to their advantage. Sure we can be tough and hard nosed with co -workers but with some one we care about more relaxed and casual.

Perhaps the hardnosed person isn't really who you are any more then a relaxed person but you've played the role and you are used to it, so it becomes a part of you.

Sometimes I think I laugh because it is the only alternative to breaking down and giving up entirely and that just isn't an option to me. By choosing laughter and making light of even the hardest problems we face I am able to keep going and also, keep others around me going.

Yeah, I admit I played the clown when I was younger to get attention, with four young kids to look after one has to use what you got for quality time you know.

I learned early that laughter truly could be good medicine.

So I might act the clown in battle, but that doesn't mean I don't focus on where I am or what is going on around me. My brothers of course will berate me telling me to grow up, but I know they need the laugh as much as I do.

If I am feeling the pressures and strain of a battle then I know they must be too. They need a brief light to shine through the darkness giving them renewed strength to fight on and I know they appreciate it in spite of their words.

Just as I know no matter how much I want to go out and make friends and meet new people and walk truly empty handed among my enemies, I know it can't be because of what we are.

People on their own are easier to win over, then in a group. Get a large group of people together and either through fear or a sense of unity, a feeling of you can't touch us, due to the strength of numbers alone, you will find all of them suddenly acting irrationally, even the ones who would never do that outside of a group.

For they act and react to everything going on around and about them.

If we were to expose ourselves and a crowd were to gather the crowd judgment would rule and in such an instance we would either be forced to dishonour our training by harming, or even killing innocents, or end up dead ourselves.

It isn't worth it.

I know in my heart we are not all that different from the people topside just like them we have our fears, doubts, dreams, goals, we have tried and failed and we have tried and succeeded. We love, we hate, we cry we laugh, we become discouraged and yes we even bleed and one day we will die.

Yet how many can look beyond their fears and open their eyes to see the truth of the matter?

No, the only thing the people will see and react to is what makes us different our skin, our looks, the fact that we are animals, we are something out of some weird sci-fi show.

Teenage mutant ninja turtles! What a joke the thought is ludicrous in itself. It is impossible, it shouldn't be and yet we are, so how can you explain that?

I think therefore I am, I must exist in spite of all the odds that say it could never happen.

My brothers are an extension of that improbability. There is only us four and for all I know when we die no one will mourn our loss, because they won't know we were even here.

I have often dreamed of the possibility that there might be others like us, or a place where we might fit in, I think my brothers all share that dream.

Don once told me that there were other mutant turtles out there, I was thrilled, ecstatic, finally someone we could get together with a way so we don't have to be alone.

It seems my hopes were not to be for Don quickly explained it wasn't like that at all.

" It is a disease that effects the green sea turtles Mike. It ends up killing them."

It seems being a mutant turtle isn't all it is cracked up to be. An endangered species threatened all the more, by a disease that ends up causing pain, suffering and eventually death.

I can totally relate to that. After all I had seen others hurt, been hurt more times then I can count sooner or later I will die. Such is life.

While I care for my family and enjoy just about any time I spend with them, I think if I were the last to survive I'd go topside and take my chances in the world above.

I'd sooner face that then a life all alone.

I can cope and deal with the way my life is now if only because I do have my family, they are my strength, and their strength gives me courage. My laughter and jokes gives them the strength to keep going and fight on with renewed purpose.

My family my brothers make the isolation we deal with bearable.

Without them I don't know how I could manage continuing on living in the shadows when there is no one to share my life with.

I sometimes lie awake at night wishing, hoping that people will be a little more understanding, start to accept, that, which is different without fearing it first for whatever reason.

This might not be the time or place, but maybe we will live to see that time and then we can go up and be a part of society instead of outcast living on the edge in the shadows.

Until then the safest thing we can do is hide. Until then as long as a joke can ease the tension and darkness, I will gladly play the clown, though I am much more than that.

For I am the light and any light whether a candle's flickering flame or the bright rays of a midday sun have a way of leaving the darkness behind, and a light can raise spirits even in the darkest of nights, my brothers and I know that well.

In our own way we are all lights.

I know that an understanding might only be reached if people return to the roots of their ancestors, when what ever you took, you gave back and you never took more than you needed. To understand, to accept people had to overcome their fears and realize that there is a balance and as long as the balance is upset only fear and hatred can rein.

If people fear and hate they will destroy, that is simple enough and that is why we must stay outcasts.

TBC

If you talk to the animals they will talk to you and you will know each other.

If you do not talk to them you will not know them and what you do not know you fear.

What one fears one destroys- Chief Dan George " My Heart Soars."

Pretender Fanatic: There must be some similarities in a story line like this as each turtle is thinking about what makes them an outcast in the world they are forced to live in. However the different personalities allow a bit of freedom in how and why each views themselves as Outcasts.

Lenni: Hopefully you can get into Nike's chapter.

Reinbeauchaser: I agree on your view of if the turtles were real and actually alive. I think they'd get a good laugh over many of our stories. Course that was the premise for one of my stories.


	4. Purely Scientific

Outcasts

Disclaimer: I deny any ownership of any adolescent transformed shadow warrior chelonians.

Chapter Four – Purely Scientific

Being an outcast didn't really bother me; I had been one for so long that I knew no other way of life. Even in my own family I was fully aware of my outcast nature.

I always knew that I wasn't quite like any of my brothers, as similar as we were our individuality set us apart even from each other.

We had many of the same attributes and qualities and yet our personalities were each distinctive and unique.

I recall in my youth that I just wanted to know the whys and how of things so much that I must have driven our Master to the point of distraction. I was the first to realize that our father as wise as he was didn't have the answer to everything.

When I learned to read I realized a door had been opened to me and began to read any thing I could get my hands on, I might not fully understand all that I read but it was a start.

Quite contrary to my brothers beliefs, that I was hatched from the egg with a screwdriver in one hand and a how to manual in the other, I had to learn as anyone would through a series of trial and error and finding out what really worked best.

Though I suppose I did have a rather natural knack when it came to electronic gadgets and an inquisitive nature, my most enjoyable toys being any thing that Splinter hauled back from his scavenging trips that were either electrical, or battery operated. By fiddling with these finds I could eventually get them working.

However I was to find out later that there was nothing I hated more then being stumped by a problem that seemed so out of my grasp of knowledge simply because we didn't have the right equipment.

Consequently I learned early on to think outside of the box, one could not be satisfied with the old mentality of 'this is how we've always done things' it is those who push the envelope, those who are willing to head off in new directions that would get somewhere in life. They were the ones who became important.

Of course my thirst for knowledge made me seem even more an outsider to my brothers, they never seemed to understand that I was happy doing what I wanted immersing myself in books while they played tag or hide an go seek. They ridiculed and teased me and finally gave up asking me to join them.

So it was that even in my very youth I was different and I grew used to it long before we even realized how unique we truly were in our world.

I couldn't even fit into our ninja lessons. I had no desire to hurt any one and didn't care much for sparring. My attitude in the dojo earned me the nickname of wimp from Raphael on more than one occasion.

Splinter strongly disagreed with my brother's views telling all of us that ninja valued all life. Even the life of the enemy which they battled, seeing the enemy not so much as an evil to be destroyed, but rather misguided and needing to be shown the error of his ways.

" In all things there is a balance" he counselled, " So what one gives one will receive."

There was nothing wrong in being a pacifist, but what I had to realize was that while fighting might not always be the answer, sometimes it might be the only option that we had left to protect ourselves with. It was an option we were to use only when all else had failed us.

So I learned to balance my ninja training with the other things that I longed to learn and my brothers seemed content to let me walk a path that was separate from theirs.

I was always secretly amused when one of my brothers would berate my intelligence and then only a short time later come to me to fix some toy.

As we grew older they came to accept that having a geek for a brother wasn't that bad, for they were relying on me far more often to come up with ideas to make our home more comfortable or to get us past the high security systems we would have to sneak past now and again on missions.

My need to learn to face challenges and find new ways of doing thins was finally paying off so that by our teens my brother had started to give me a grudging respect and when they called me some name it was usually done so in a friendly way.

When Splinter finally told us the truth of our world and how different we were even from humans and why it was so important for us to train and use our skills, I realized then, that all of us were outcasts.

Splinter told us that we could not be accepted by society and so would be forced to live all of our lives, a part of the human world and yet cut off from it. This was probably harder on my brothers then myself.

I just longed to find out more about what made us outcasts in the first place, why were we so unique from any other sentient being. Truly humans were intelligent they had made great progress and many achievements, they might actually be willing to look upon something like us as equals to themselves.

It was only wishful thinking though, for the more I learned the more I realized that what had made us so unique could also be our downfall.

Perhaps in a different age in time we could have hoped for better. Such as the old days on Earth when man was more connected to his roots and knowledge of his world was limited would have been a far better time for my brother's and I to be accepted.

However what made us what we are could not have existed in those days.

Still there were many people long ago who believed that the world rested on the back of a giant turtle. We probably would have been accepted as the great turtle god in those times, and have to be appeased to some degree. Especially with how superstitious people were in those times when tragic occurrences were often put as the gods being angered.

Instead we came into a world and a time when humans seem almost as fearful of the world around them as their ancestors did in spite of all the progress they have made. Of course some of that progress that has helped humans has done almost as much to terrorise them.

Take for instance nuclear energy, it could be useful or damaging and humans have somehow decided to use it in both manners, not even stopping to consider the consequences of doing so.

In fact people of this day and age are almost as superstitious as their ancestors, only now instead of praying to their gods and finding ways to appease them they had become virtual slaves to the very machines they had built.

Sure now a days you would be hard pressed to find someone who would fear that you would sail off the end of the world or that the volcano god would wake from his slumber and wreck havoc on your village.

But you would see people worried about a co-worker or student in a school that could snap and go on a vicious rampage, the threat of attacks, the fear of any number of things that still held humans firmly in its grasp as it did of old.

True scientist had debunked all the old fears but humans had replaced those fears with newer ones.

There was also a big problem with the whole world of science in itself, facts logic were of utmost importance. Even things that couldn't be explained by modern science had to be a hoax if a logical reason couldn't be given.

The scientist of today had to place things into categories or lists. Had to define things by what they knew, give them something they couldn't explain and they would have to research and study it just so they could have the answers.

A scientist might scoff at a religious persons faith and yet too many times science has failed only for miracles to occur. The unexplained often remains just that, proving the best thing a scientist could really have in his favour is an open mind.

If we were found I have no doubt that scientist the world over would be battling for the rights to pick us apart piece by piece if only to reveal the answers of who and what we were.

Only I have a feeling that the answers they got on us wouldn't be the ones they might appreciate. I doubt even the fact that we were intelligent would mean anything to them. How many highly intelligent animals are kept in zoos, or are being studied even at this very minute?

Apes, pigs, dolphins, whales and numerous other animals have proven intelligence to man and yet humans seem to have no worries about exploiting them. So why would a mutant turtle be any different?

In the grand scheme of things reptiles are not known for their intelligence, yet even a turtle can learn things.

I recalled reading in some book about a sea turtle that was in some aquarium it would often bite the fingers of the handler. One time the handler hauled the turtle out and hit its shell with a rolled up newspaper making a loud noise, but by no means injuring the turtle. It didn't stop the turtle from biting rather when ever it bit it would go crashing around the tank to avoid another instance of being hauled out and smacked.

I figured that turtle had to have some Raphael in it, to remain so obstinate in its behaviour.

In fact if there was any thing I was sure of was that if there was anything worse, then mans inhumanity to man, it had to be man's flagrant disregard for all walks of life that thrived on this world.

We really didn't stand a chance the odds were against us before we even started.

What scared me even more was the simple knowledge that no matter how skilled we were in avoiding detection, sooner or later something was bound to go against us.

There is so many chances we must take in our life, so many risks that we have to face and there is no way we could ever hope to win them all.

The longer you play the higher chance you have of losing big, no matter how much you have won before.

It was just simple numbers. Luck and coincidence combined with skill could only do so much for so long against the odds but sooner or later you would have to lose and big.

When it came time for us to lose big, and I didn't doubt that there would be such a day, I had to wonder how bad it would be for all of us.

Sure we had lost some in our life but nothing really of momentous importance and I had a feeling that the time for it would come because even Splinter had taught us that in all things there was a balance.

I had seen that this is as true as many of his other teachings so I know that sooner or later the odds will go against us and the scales will tip.

In that time Leo's guidance might only be able to do so much, Mike's optimism and jokes could ease tension and fear but it won't help us out of the situation and Ralph's anger will only be a detriment to us all.

As outcasts we didn't stand a chance, yet due to our situation we couldn't help to be accepted either, we couldn't even hope for citizenship in spite of the bill of rights claiming that we were all equal.

The bill of rights didn't cover mutants.

Besides the haves, and the have- nots split the world and society itself. Those that have didn't need to worry about life because they had the ends to the means, money and prestige was power. Those who were poor and had little were trudged on and forgotten about. Cast aside and ridiculed looked down upon by their fellow man.

An outcast could expect very little help other then the occasional hand out. Their lot was to struggle continuously just to stay alive.

It was clear then when things turned against us that my skill and knowledge might be the only thing that could spare us all.

I didn't know if it would be enough, when I had nothing else to buy our safety and security but I knew an outcast had to use what skills they possessed to their advantage.

While I might not be close to my family they are all I have and in the end if we outcast don't stick together those who seek our demise will only devour us.

The End.

Author's Note: Outcasts was born from a character sketch I wrote up on each of the boys. While writing it I used thoughts images views from the many areas of TMNT's over the years, comics, cartoons and movies. Plus my own views of how I see each one of them

With each of the turtles being so different from the other, each is bound to hide their isolation or outcast state in a different way. Thus this story was born. Thanks all for the reviews.

Ramica


End file.
